Not dead!

Dearly Beloved...

2008-04-07T17:00:43Z

In case anyone was wondering, this is my life right now:

Committed!

neglect oops sorry

2007-12-07T03:45:30Z

Wow. Trying to really catch up with everything that's happened since I last wrote in this (in February) could take days. Here's the short version, because short is good. (Srsly.) This probably won't interest most other people, but I want to have it so that when I look at my livejournal again in another 9 or 10 months, I'll be able to remember stuff.

I've been a vegan for exactly 8 days now. (I read this book Skinny Bitch and it totally ruined my joyfully carnivorous life. I recommend it, it isn't really about being skinny or about being a bitch.)

I'm still a really good student, and it feels weird to say that but it's true.

I'm taking ballet again.

Sarah practically lives in my apartment, and she and Jonnie and I are like the 3 Stooges, except smarter and sexier.

My tattoo is sort of kind of almost done.

I was quoted in one of New Mexico's biggest newspapers a couple weeks ago.

I have an internship at the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum and today I spent nearly FIVE HOURS xeroxing.

I'm one of 3 people who runs the on-campus LGBTQ group, and it's a really good way to ignore the fact that I'm sexually and/or romantically pathetic and dysfunctional.

I've gotten really involved in political happenings on campus, and mostly it's because I care, but a very small part of it is that I have a crush on the Dean of Students. I have this burning desire to grab his butt someday.

I broke my glasses and there's this big clump of tape holding them together right in the middle. It's nerdy chic.

I'm pretty happy.

roodledoodle @ 2007-02-28T10:10:00

2007-02-28T17:32:04Z

I'm damaged and I always will be.

I never thought I'd be the kind of person who would live with secrets, regret, or shame. But I am now, and unless there is some major leap in modern medicine during my lifetime, I will be forever. My body doesn't fully belong to me anymore, and I'm reminded of it every day. I live in constant fear. I fear judgment, ignorance, and hate. I fear social alienation. I fear loneliness. I fear hurting others. And I fear myself, my pain, my rage. And if you think I shouldn't or I have no reason to fear these things, it's only because you don't know. You don't understand, and hopefully for you, you never will.

Don't tell me I'm playing the victim. I AM a victim. You have no idea.

New Tattoo + Year in Review

2007-01-03T08:00:42Z

I think it's been long enough since last i updated this thing, no?

I've kept my year in review short and sweet, but for those of you who couldn't care less about it, I think I'll start with long overdue pictures of my tattoo masterpiece-in-progress, which has certainly been a highlight of 2006. The artist is Tim Kern, who is more amazing than words can describe. As of these pictures, I'd had about 15 hours of work done. (I had 3 more hours done today, but no pictures yet.) I couldn't be more thrilled about it. Clicky clicky:

Okay, so, compared to that, the rest of this will seem pretty bland to most people besides me, but that's okay. So! 2006 in review!

Here are all the new things I did this year:

Went to college (The College of Santa Fe) for real, finally.
Lived in a dorm.
...In New Mexico.
Purchased my own plant
...And a hot glue gun
...And alcohol, legally.
Got peed on at work.
Nude modeled for a drawing class.
Had my hair straightened.
Bellydancing.
Rock climbing.
Ice skating.
Ice sculpting.
Pumpkin carving.
IHOP.
Le Souk.
Nobu.

Other things that made this year noteworthy, in no particular order:

The big 21!
A 3.6 GPA
Concerts:
-Rufus Wainwright at Carnegie Hall
-Regina Spektor
-Ani D in Central Park
-Rose's Pawn Shop
A little dancing here and there
Almost no drug-use at all
Best shoes ever, as seen in those photos (Thanks Nellie!)
15 hours of tattoo work, as I mentioned
My niece Zadie was born in June, and my nephew Julian turned 3 in July
Nannied for a rich, horrible family who took me to London and Paris
Also nannied for a wonderful family in Battery Park City
Finished my crazy career at the Madison Avenue Presbyterian Day School
Visited aquariums in London and Paris, as well as in Mystic and East Norwalk, Connecticut.
Was in an amazing show, Alice Through the Subway System
Was in 6 student films and 4 photo projects at CSF
Went to Florida
Took part in a 100+ person pillow fight in Union Square
Met more amazing people than I can name
Drank a LOT of pink champagne

Have I forgotten anything? If I have, (and I'm sure that I have,) please remind me.

It's been an amazing year. I'm almost said to say goodbye to it... almost.

roodledoodle @ 2006-09-25T02:15:00

2006-09-25T08:15:38Z

There was a time in my life when I was really sad and I wanted to die. Now I get really sad, but it's because I see so many things worth living for.

Life is a miserable construct, but I don't need to be miserable within it. I know it gets better, and that's enough for me right now.

I'm struggling here, but I am making things happen, and I'm doing it my way, so I'm happy with myself. That's an amazing feeling.

Care packages!

2006-09-01T00:07:07Z

Hey guys! Send me care packages at college! I'm fiending for letters, reminders of home, fresh baked goods... anything you have to offer. My address is as follows:

1600 St. Michael's Drive #313
Santa Fe, NM 87505

Do it!

roodledoodle @ 2006-08-14T15:42:00

2006-08-14T19:42:48Z

I'M MOVING TO NEW MEXICO IN ONE WEEK.

What the fuck. Shoot me.

roodledoodle @ 2006-06-20T15:38:00

2006-06-20T19:40:28Z

For those of you who are A. confused, B. out of touch, or C. silly, NO I don't have a baby named Scott. I'm just doing a brief stint as a nanny. Brief = 17 days. Scott is one of the children I'm taking care of.

Okay?

I'm glad we cleared that up.

roodledoodle @ 2006-06-18T17:05:00

2006-06-18T21:06:39Z

I am in London. What did I do today? I got vomited on. And I was wearing the only jammies I packed, and they're my favorite ones at that.

I also went to a castle today, but I had to wait for everyone outside. There were too many steps to carry the stroller, and Scott is too heavy for me to carry all day long.

The family went to Nobu for dinner, and I was there, but Scott started fussing half-way through the appetisers so I had to walk around the block ten-thousand times while I waited for everyone else to finish their awesome dinner.

I know other things happened today, but I'm too exhausted to remember them. I'm going to go to sleep. In my clothes. Because I haven't had a single moment free to wash them (by hand) until now, and now i'm too tired.

This is great! 14 days and counting.

roodledoodle @ 2006-04-21T18:20:00

2006-04-22T00:22:35Z

I'm in Santa Fe. I like it. It's weird. I'm so stressed. I'm sure I'll have more to say about it later.

I love you guys. Some of you I barely know, but still I am so overwhelmingly full of love for all of the people who have ever touched my life in a positive way. And no, I'm not drunk.

Grocery Store Treasure

2006-03-04T05:26:03Z

It's my favourite flavour:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v50/roodledoodle/cocksoup.jpg

PILLOW FIGHT!

2006-02-25T04:30:54Z

As many of you know, there was a giant PILLOW FIGHT in Union Square last Saturday. I was there and it was AMAZINGLY FUN.

There's a picture of me here at the fight in my jammies.

Also, someone made a movie of the fight that can be watched here. And I'm in it! I'm on the right side, in the 4th segment. (You'll see what I mean when you watch it.) I'm not actually fighting though. I'm just spitting out feathers. It's really charming.

roodledoodle @ 2006-02-14T17:23:00

2006-02-14T22:26:39Z

Happy birthday, sweet spirit.

*****

Happy blah blah mushy kissy vomit whatever day to everyone.

*****

I'd rather regret action than inaction.

Year In Review (in no particular order)

2006-01-03T21:40:55Z

I know most of you are already done reviewing your years, but I try not to until it's really really over. So here it is:

-Alcohol

-Marijuana

-Another substance that I won't even mention because I barely did any and I didn't particularly like it

-Ecstasy

-Dancing: Downtime, Panty Party @ Opaline, Pany Party @ Scenic, Motherfucker @ Shelter, QXTs, The Metro @ Pyramid. Plus 3 dance classes a week

-Dancing and ecstasy. And awesome new friends. While Benny Benassi was spinning. In London. Fucking amazing night

-Met SG Dylan in London. The bestest

-Other travel, including Amsterdam, San Fran, Yellowstone, Florida, and Cape Cod. And New Jersey, but ssshhh!

-Aquariums. Lots of Aquariums

-SuicideGirls camping trip. Met some FABULOUS people. And caught a fish! Yes, I'm still proud of that

-First strip club experience. Again, thanks to lovely people at SuicideGirls

-Went home with basically a stranger, and instead of having a one night stand, chose to clean his kitchen. Met his parents the next morning. He barely remembered my name. How awkward.

-Amazing tattoo

-New piercings, but just my ears

-Major physical violation

-A life-changing disease

-Lost an iPod with lots of important data on it. Got a newer, better iPod, but still miss a lot of the data

-Lost a pet

-Lost a good friend/ex-lover to heroine

-Nearly lost (gave up on) a really good friend for reasons I won't get into

-Joined myspace. I hate it, but I love it

-Met Frank Miller. That was just rad

-Trainwreck, Reverend Horton Heat, Garbage, Rufus Wainwright, Regina Spektor, and others

-The Gates. I enjoyed them, despite myself

-My first vibrator. Long overdue, let me tell you

-Lost one pair of glasses. Broke another pair

-The end of teenage-hood. Thank god

-Tutoring geometry at my high school

-Reunion with Adam

-Newer better version of the same excellent job

-Re-enrollment at Hunter

It's been one fucking insane-o rollercoaster of a year. But all's well that ends well, right? Over all, I'm satisfied.

roodledoodle @ 2005-11-25T21:07:00

2005-11-26T02:37:44Z

I keep meaning to update! God I'm a slacker.

I. I'm thankful for a lot right now. Too much to list. But everything is essentially wonderfulish. I guess I'm just not an angsty teenager anymore or something. I don't know. It's all good in the hood, yo.

II. I got my letter of readmission to Hunter. I'll take one or two classes in the spring. I'm not excited about Hunter, but I am excited about going back to school.

III. Next fall I'll transfer somewhere hopefully not lame. SVA is my first choice. I just finished the first draft of my SVA essay the other day, after starting it SIX (6) TIMES; needless to say, I'm thrilled and relieved.

IV. I'm a geometry tutor at Urban Academy, my high school. I feel really good to be giving back a little to a place that gave me so much. It's exciting and challenging. And the girl I'm working with is quite rad.

V. I was tagged by Maggie, so I have to:

instructions: list seven songs you are into right now. no matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. post these instructions in your livejournal along with your seven songs. then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

In no particular order:

1.) Blasphemous Rumours - Depeche Mode
2.) American Girl - Tom Petty
3.) Atomic - Blondie
4.) Instant Pleasure - Rufus Wainwright
5.) Merry Blues - Manu Chao
6.) That Was Your Mother - Paul Simon
7.) Still Fighting It - Ben Folds Five

That was hard! I'm tagging Ariela, Andrew, Manny, Rosa, Kayla, Erin, and Natalie. Do it! Or I'll punch you in the face. (Unless you're Kayla - you live to far away.)

VI. Today I went with my parents and my awesome cousin Molly to MoMA. It was WONDERFUL. I think Elizabeth Murray is amazing.

VII. Lastly, I give you a picture of Adam pretending to be asleep because he is a little camera shy. But all the same, this is one of my most favoritest views to wake up to:

birthday

2005-10-27T04:47:22Z

20 crazy years and counting.

roodledoodle @ 2005-10-10T15:49:00

2005-10-10T19:49:47Z

Whatever. We all die anyway.

Feelin' good, feelin' strong.

2005-09-27T20:07:06Z

As some of you know, my life has been, well... turbulent lately. At this point, I mostly blame myself, but my opinions will probably change over time. There is, however, one other person who is, in my mind, at fault. As more and more time passes, I find him more and more at fault, and personally I think that's healthy. He IMed me today, which he doesn't do very often, and I decided it was time to have an important conversation. In some ways it's been a long time coming. It's a conversation I want to be sure I remember:

***********: you still pissed at me?
me: i wasn't pissed at you to begin with
me: are you still pissed at me?
***********: never was, i just work on my own rules. that was more business then anything else.
***********: is everything gravy with you or still fucked up?
me: you called me a cunt ****.
***********: because you were acting like one.
me: and you said specifically that it wasn't business.
me: but the thing is i wasn't "acting like one." I was just handling my business.
***********: in my mind you handled it wrong
***********: at the time i took it personally but after a day i realized it was business
me: interesting.
***********: ::shrugs:: you ok?
me: i've been better, i've been worse.
me: did you IM me just to ask how i was?
me: for friendly conversation?
***********: i wanted to know if you were ok
***********: why do i always have to have a angle?
me: i didn't say you did
me: that wasn't what i was implying
me: i really meant that question sincerely.
***********: chill its all good.
me: i'm totally chilled.
***********: word. thats coolio
me: i asked that question because i want you to know that at this point i don't consider you my friend
***********: then i wont waste my time
***********: thanks for letting me know.
me: you've called me a cunt one too many times.
***********: please remove me from livejournal then
me: sure
***********: later you fucking cunt i cant believe i was fucking worried about you.
me: i really do wish you the best in life
***********: fuck off you fake friend
me: i'm not a fake anything
me: i'm a very unfake non-friend
***********: whatever yo.
***********: eat a dick and live your fuckin life.
me: that's very mature, ****
***********: dont say shit to me back
***********: i never said i was mature
***********: piece
me: ciao

I truly meant what I said about wishing him the best in life. But I also wish myself the best in life. And interacting with him hinders me in that endeavor, so I can't keep allowing him to treat me the way he did.

I usually hate goodbyes. But this time I know it was for the best. Goodbye old friend.

There is no reset button.

2005-09-17T21:01:34Z

My life isn't over, but it's certainly come to a grinding halt.

I know I'll live, but I really don't want to right now. (Don't worry, I'm not going to off myself. I'm just going to think about it a lot.)

Maybe it will be back to normal soon, but I'm not counting on it.

If this is karma, I must be forgetting something.

I've been low before, but never like this. I feel helpless, guilty, dirty, and ashamed. And I know I'll remember this for as long as I live; if you think I'm exaggerating or being dramatic, it's just because you don't know what's going on.

***

I know he's furious with me, but isn't that at least better than being furious without me?

roodledoodle @ 2005-08-23T21:41:00

2005-08-24T01:56:19Z

Frank Miller and I discussed my sex life last Thursday. Then he signed things for me.

Sunday I went to Coney Island. Heather is a sword swallower now.

This Thursday I leave for Cape Cod. 5 days with my extended family. Oh geez.

Adam and I are back together. We have been for several months now. Strange, no?

There are 2 praying mantises (manti?) living in my back yard.

roodledoodle @ 2005-07-28T22:20:00

2005-07-29T02:24:10Z

I love seeing the Dove ads with the beautiful curvy real women all over the city. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go here.

Poor neglected livejournal

2005-07-06T01:38:13Z

roodledoodle @ 2005-05-21T02:27:00

2005-05-21T06:28:24Z

I got an incredible tattoo today. Therefore I am awesome.

roodledoodle @ 2005-04-22T01:36:00

2005-04-22T05:39:19Z

Appreciate those you love. They won't be here forever.

Love to everyone, endlessly, more than you know,

Irina

roodledoodle @ 2005-03-08T18:31:00

2005-03-09T05:59:33Z

Wow. Hi Livejournal. Hey, everyone on my friends list! Remember when we were like, um, actually friends or something? Yeah, that was totally nice.

But oops, I suck!

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	roodledoodle
Your haiku:	i finally feel alive like i'm actually partly in control
Username:

Created by Grahame